Today is my 56th birthday. It is also the 5th anniversary of one of the top 5 life changing events of my life. I lost my job...fired...from a church. My brother had just died and it added major insult to a traumatic personal injury.
My friend Jere says that "everyone should get fired at least once in life and preferably twice". Lots of lessons to be learned I suppose. I remember the embarrassment. I suffered the lost of my identity. For men so much of our identity is tied up with what we do for a living. I was lost. I no longer walked into the room as the "preacher", I was just Stan--car salesmen, Dillards employee...then financial planner for Seniors.
Some have called this event the day I gained my freedom--freedom in thinking, free weekends, freedom from expectations, free evenings...etc. But with freedom has come loss. Loss of an instant community. Loss of financial stability, having to create a new career! Loss of what was, by in large, a good life.
Regrets? A few, but I don't regret the friends I still have in Indiana.
Mistakes, certainly! I got to the point where I didn't like my job in Indiana for reasons that need not be stated here. My favorite movie at that time was "Office Space--Work Sucks". So I can honestly now say that I'm glad they "dun me in".
I cannot talk about the week following the "firing" without choking up because of all the unbelievable ways that God took care of us. Bill and Donna were there willing to sit with us; Garry and Jenny were unbelievable; Angie Dunn left a very kind message on the machine; gifts from the Mcfadzeans, the Blevins, and Ron and Malvery; and a Sunday afternoon visit from Gary,Susan, Bob and Carol and their unending support; a miraculous call from Dan Lawson; and Toby on the golf course tending to his parents on this day 5 years ago; and then Saturday came and a surprise call from friends from Greenville who were at a conference at Southeast--Jeff and Cindy and Danny and Suzy--you just can't imagine what it meant to us! You all make me want to be the kind of person who reached out to people in pain.
I'm sorry that my kids had to go through this. Haley suffered the most. Each of them suffered with me. Their view of the church has been jaded but they have to remember that Woodruff Road never treated us that way. Life sometimes is messy, even when we're nice people.
Forgiveness was a long process. I now can actually wish the leadership of that church well. I never thought I would be able to do that. After 5 years I hold no animosity toward anyone.
Thanks to my supportive family, wife and friends! Happy Birthday!
Showing posts with label family history. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family history. Show all posts
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Family History #1
Why Mike Didn't Become a Preacher
Last week Toby called me from Israel and asked why Uncle Mike had not become a preacher. This question was spurred by a conversation with a friend about my status as a preacher. Toby told his friend the story that Dad told me years after it happened.
Uncle Mike was going to be the preacher of the family. Mike had been speaking in churches since around the age of 15. He filled in at various churches around Corinth, Kentucky and spoke at youth rallies. We moved to Louisville and Mike continued to speak at various functions. One of those years when I was in early High School, we were attending the College of the Scriptures church camp at Wonder Valley camp in Indiana. An old Negro preacher (around 90 years of age) Isaiah Moore, who had been preaching since he was a kid….looked over at a crowd of people that included Mike and myself and said to Dad, (pointing at Mike) “that’s not going to be your preacher, (and pointing over to me) that’s going to be your preacher.” How he knew, I don’t know. Anyway that’s the story that Toby related to his friend in Israel. So thus the question, “why didn’t Uncle Mike become a preacher?”
Some of you may not know that as Mike was choosing colleges….Cincinnati Bible College was high on his list. He was going to be a preacher. But the University of Louisville came calling and everyone was thrilled for this opportunity. Mike was known as “preacher” on the team and in the media. He was the Youth Minister of Clifton Christian Church during his time at U of L. I gave Toby my answers and then I called Mom to confirm my thoughts. She added a very important component to the answer. Here are the three answers. The first two are both very important and the third reason is a part of the Lawhon family history that effected us in a variety of ways.
First, Sherry. She was Mike’s love…a Uof L cheerleader. She was not going to be a preacher’s wife and with all the talk in the media…she was scared. So she broke up with Mike. This was a major event in Mike’s life….being a preacher had cost him big time. I can tell you from experience that this plays with your mind. I know there were girls who wouldn’t give me the time of day because I was going to be a preacher. (at least I can fool myself with that illusion) After all, what parent would want their daughter subjected to the expectations of the church.
Second, Bob Dabney. This reason may be more important than the first, but the first one set the stage for this event. Mike was playing softball for Southeast Christian Church against another Southeast team. Southeast was “extreme” when it came to softball. Mike was on first base…Bob Dabney was playing shortshop….ground ball to second base….Mike went into second to take out the shortshop and Bob Dabney threw very low to force Mike down. The ball hit Mike square in the face and crushed his cheekbone. I am certain (knowing Bob Dabney) that he did it on purpose—but as the Bible says “All things work for the good of those who are in Christ Jesus.” Mike’s face had to be pieced back together. The hospital became the place where Mike decided that medicine was the path he wanted to follow. Mike being very likeable and a star at U of L was treated as royalty by the hospital He made rounds with the doctors and he was hooked. He was fascinated by the way they had put his face back together.
Third, being poor. This was certainly not the biggest factor, but has to make the list. We grew up while Dad when to college and then he took a church living on $25 a week living in a parsonage that we thought was a mansion (my living room is bigger)--- we were poor…and Mike seemed to be more effected by it ---more so that Cary or me. Though we never went hungry, we felt the difference between us and other people. Mike saw that becoming a Dr. was a way that he could provide for his parents and not live “without”. While at U of L, Mike came home with a saying for the family. “If you’re going to go, go first class, or don’t go at all.” And we all picked up on this as we moved from a “poor” (a relative term of course) mentality to a family that didn’t live in West Virginia anymore. I think it’s hard for my kids and nieces and nephews to understand this because though you may think you have grown up “poor” (poor being a very relative term)--- All of you have grown up with so many more opportunities.
Should Mike have become a preacher? I think not! He provided for his parents…financially, and in the medical field. Plus, he was a great Dr, combining a bedside manner with the skills of a surgeon. When Mom speaks of Mike and his life, she sees that little boy and teenager as the boy with a kind heart that sought to love and be loved. I think she’s right!
Sometimes we see the person at the end and we don’t know what they had been before the years robbed them of their health or of their optimism and idealism.
This little bit of family history is from my perspective and hopefully gives you some insight into Mike and his life.
Last week Toby called me from Israel and asked why Uncle Mike had not become a preacher. This question was spurred by a conversation with a friend about my status as a preacher. Toby told his friend the story that Dad told me years after it happened.
Uncle Mike was going to be the preacher of the family. Mike had been speaking in churches since around the age of 15. He filled in at various churches around Corinth, Kentucky and spoke at youth rallies. We moved to Louisville and Mike continued to speak at various functions. One of those years when I was in early High School, we were attending the College of the Scriptures church camp at Wonder Valley camp in Indiana. An old Negro preacher (around 90 years of age) Isaiah Moore, who had been preaching since he was a kid….looked over at a crowd of people that included Mike and myself and said to Dad, (pointing at Mike) “that’s not going to be your preacher, (and pointing over to me) that’s going to be your preacher.” How he knew, I don’t know. Anyway that’s the story that Toby related to his friend in Israel. So thus the question, “why didn’t Uncle Mike become a preacher?”
Some of you may not know that as Mike was choosing colleges….Cincinnati Bible College was high on his list. He was going to be a preacher. But the University of Louisville came calling and everyone was thrilled for this opportunity. Mike was known as “preacher” on the team and in the media. He was the Youth Minister of Clifton Christian Church during his time at U of L. I gave Toby my answers and then I called Mom to confirm my thoughts. She added a very important component to the answer. Here are the three answers. The first two are both very important and the third reason is a part of the Lawhon family history that effected us in a variety of ways.
First, Sherry. She was Mike’s love…a Uof L cheerleader. She was not going to be a preacher’s wife and with all the talk in the media…she was scared. So she broke up with Mike. This was a major event in Mike’s life….being a preacher had cost him big time. I can tell you from experience that this plays with your mind. I know there were girls who wouldn’t give me the time of day because I was going to be a preacher. (at least I can fool myself with that illusion) After all, what parent would want their daughter subjected to the expectations of the church.
Second, Bob Dabney. This reason may be more important than the first, but the first one set the stage for this event. Mike was playing softball for Southeast Christian Church against another Southeast team. Southeast was “extreme” when it came to softball. Mike was on first base…Bob Dabney was playing shortshop….ground ball to second base….Mike went into second to take out the shortshop and Bob Dabney threw very low to force Mike down. The ball hit Mike square in the face and crushed his cheekbone. I am certain (knowing Bob Dabney) that he did it on purpose—but as the Bible says “All things work for the good of those who are in Christ Jesus.” Mike’s face had to be pieced back together. The hospital became the place where Mike decided that medicine was the path he wanted to follow. Mike being very likeable and a star at U of L was treated as royalty by the hospital He made rounds with the doctors and he was hooked. He was fascinated by the way they had put his face back together.
Third, being poor. This was certainly not the biggest factor, but has to make the list. We grew up while Dad when to college and then he took a church living on $25 a week living in a parsonage that we thought was a mansion (my living room is bigger)--- we were poor…and Mike seemed to be more effected by it ---more so that Cary or me. Though we never went hungry, we felt the difference between us and other people. Mike saw that becoming a Dr. was a way that he could provide for his parents and not live “without”. While at U of L, Mike came home with a saying for the family. “If you’re going to go, go first class, or don’t go at all.” And we all picked up on this as we moved from a “poor” (a relative term of course) mentality to a family that didn’t live in West Virginia anymore. I think it’s hard for my kids and nieces and nephews to understand this because though you may think you have grown up “poor” (poor being a very relative term)--- All of you have grown up with so many more opportunities.
Should Mike have become a preacher? I think not! He provided for his parents…financially, and in the medical field. Plus, he was a great Dr, combining a bedside manner with the skills of a surgeon. When Mom speaks of Mike and his life, she sees that little boy and teenager as the boy with a kind heart that sought to love and be loved. I think she’s right!
Sometimes we see the person at the end and we don’t know what they had been before the years robbed them of their health or of their optimism and idealism.
This little bit of family history is from my perspective and hopefully gives you some insight into Mike and his life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
